2018 sucked (and that's a good thing)

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

I'm back after 20,000 years.

The reason I've been gone so long is that, well, the past few months have been absolute hell. That's putting it lightly, quite frankly. There has been so much that has happened that my head is still reeling from it all. So, I'm going to talk a little bit about that.



If you're anything like me, your 2018 kind of sucked. It was hard physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and however many other words there are to describe the psyche that finishes in "-ally." So much happened this year. There was so much frustration, anger, sadness, and pain during the past twelve months. Things happened that you never thought would happen to you and you were caught off-guard by things you never expected.

For me, throughout 2018, many things happened that were absolutely not ideal or what I had planned for myself.


  • The closest friend I had in my life since high school suddenly dropped all contact and that left me confused and in the dark. Before anyone asks, there are no hard feelings there. I know they have their reasons, even if I'm not aware of them, and they don't need to tell me. They don't owe me their explanation. Also, from what I've seen, she is doing great and I'm very happy for her!
  • My romantic relationship ended in a horrible way out of nowhere. There's a lot of my problems tied into that, but I don't want to go into details because I don't need to spend any more time thinking about it. I also don't want to put our personal business out there. It's just not something that needs to be publically talked about. 
  • I found out from my therapist that I had to relearn how to interact with people because of the emotional abuse I'd endured over the past few years and how it had shaped my existence and turned me into someone who was not me. 
  • I got extremely sick, to the point where I had to be put on short-term disability from work for a couple months. We found out one thing that was contributing to my sickness, but not everything, leaving me still feeling fairly sick day in and day out. Some days are better than others, but it's still there. 
  • My migraines came back. My insurance denied me the medication that was helping with my migraines until I see more doctors and try other medications. 
  • I was officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, PTSD, and Bipolar II disorder. 

SO. MUCH. HAPPENED. 

But, before I start a pity party for myself, I just wanted to say that, honestly, I'm glad these things happened. They actually led to a lot of good things!


  • Because of the end of my relationship, I became free to go wherever I wanted and do things just for me. Due to that, I decided to apply to the university I've always wanted to go to. AND I GOT IN. I didn't just get in, either. I got accepted for the exact major I need and they've got the perfect minor that ties into the career path I want to go down. I get to move here in just a couple weeks to an apartment where I get to live on my own for once! It's also near to a couple of my dearest friends I met in the Navy that I was worried I was never going to see again. It's near a lot of my extended family, too!
  • Because of the abrupt end of one of my dearest friendships, I began giving out some better attention to other friends of mine and I ended up meeting my best friend and kindred spirit. Having truly found my person was such a blessing and I don't know what I'd do without her. One of the high points of my year was spending the weekend with her in L.A. to go to the Fall Out Concert I had bought tickets for months and months ago. It was one of the best weekends I had in years, not just because of all of the fun stuff and the good food, but because of my best friend.
  • Because of my mental illnesses getting so bad that I knew I needed to truly get help and make appointments for them, I was able to get diagnosed. With those diagnoses, I was able to get on plans to help and get on the correct medication. I was able to make a lot of progress in therapy. (By the way, therapy is amazing. Everyone should be in therapy, even if they have "nothing wrong." It's so helpful and everyone can benefit from it.) Because of going to therapy for not only my mental issues but for some emotional turmoil as well, I have learned a lot about myself and I now know how best to move forward and let a lot of things go. I've learned some healthy ways to cope with a lot of things.

Okay, you all thought we got far enough down in here that you might get out of here without a Harry Potter reference. You thought you got off scot-free, huh? 

NOPE. 
HERE IT IS. 

In 2019, we should all channel Fawkes, the beloved Phoenix who was Dumbledore's companion, who saved lives by crying and also by PECKING A BEAST'S EYES OUT! Fawkes is a badass and so are we. Just like phoenixes such as Fawkes, we go through cycles. For anyone who doesn't know, phoenixes constantly die and are reborn. We can do that, too.

2018 was the part of the cycle where we got so feeble and tired that we just had to let ourselves burn up in flames. There were things we couldn't handle anymore and our bodies and minds did what they had to do to get through it, we did what we had to do to cope. We were just so done and had to let go.

2019 is going to be our time to rise from ashes and be reborn. Phoenixes are reborn from the smoldering ash of their past selves. Who's to say we can't do that, too? Sure, we aren't some mystical, mythological being with beautiful red and gold plumage who can fly, but we are just as strong and resilient. Let's shed our past selves and the pain and the anger and use it to become better, stronger, and smarter.

There will always be hard times. This cycle is just that: a cycle. It's inevitable. There will be good times and bad. It's unavoidable. It's simply how life works. We will always burn down in flames, but that also means that we can always rise again from the smoldering ashes and become better and more resilient than we were before.

Be like Fawkes. We are all stronger than we think. We can heal ourselves through our magic tears and fight like hell when we need to. We all have a phoenix inside of us. We've just got to find them!

As good ol' Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore once said, "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light."


If you've had anything painful happen to you this year that has had a great outcome, tell me about in in the comments! I'd love to be able to celebrate the good with you!



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